


Like Houdini, Only Less Jewish

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/F, F/M, Fingering, Squirting, anxious character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 06:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13852044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: So it turned out that Farah kissed like she did everything else.She had probably studied different techniques, practiced until she could do it perfectly while upside down, underwater, while padlocked in a straitjacket.





	Like Houdini, Only Less Jewish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StormyDaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyDaze/gifts).



> Hope this cheers you up a bit, dear!

So it turned out that Farah kissed like she did everything else.

She had probably studied different techniques, practiced until she could do it perfectly while upside down, underwater, while padlocked in a straitjacket.

Farah would have made a great Harry Houdini. 

Only black.

And probably not Jewish.

Tina pulled back, her eyes glassy, her hands firmly on Farah’s well toned ass.

“Are you Jewish?” 

Farah, her own eyes (gorgeous, gorgeous eyes, holy fuck, was there anything about Farah that _wasn’t_ , like, the most beautiful thing ever?) dark with arousal, paused.

“... what?”

“Just curious,” Tina said. “It’s not like I’ve got anything against Jewish people or anything. Just, uh, curious.”

“If you’d rather talk about religious belief, I’d, uh, I’d be all for it. If you don’t find my attractive, I totally -”

Now, see, that wouldn’t do at all; Farah was, as any human being with working senses could tell, one of the most objectively beautiful women that Tina had ever seen.

So she leaned in, and she gave Farah a long, sloppy kiss, and okay, it wasn’t as toe curlingly, cooch meltingly good as Farah’s kisses, but… well, Tina had a lot of practice. 

She hadn’t had any complaints so far. 

Farah was moaning into Tina’s mouth, pulling her closer, and now Tina was beginning to unbutton that blue cop uniform shirt, which suited Farah perfectly, because of course it did, 

And of course, Farah was wearing a sturdy, serviceable black bra, and Tina cupped Farah’s breasts in her hands, thumbing Farah’s nipples clumsily, but with enthusiasm. 

“Oh,” Farah mumbled, her head tilting back, and Tina took that as a good sign. 

An “all clear,” as it were.

And Farah just kinda… she stood there, looking slightly shell shocked, as Tina kissed her way down Farah’s torso, but whenever they made eye contact Farah gave a nervous smile, until Tina smiled.

“Just, uh, just to be cool, you’re still good, right?”

“I’m great,” Farah said. “I’m having a great time. I promise.”

“Because it’s okay if you’re not,” said Tina. “If you’d rather do, like, coply bonding, have some weed gummies…?”

Farah made a noise - a noise that was borderline frustrated - and then she was… she was _grabbing Tina by the front of the shirt_ , pulling her up, and then they were kissing again, only now Farah was being aggressive, and Farah being aggressive was enough to make Tina just fucking melt like a popsicle on a hot day, and then Farah was opening Tina’s shirt up, reaching around to unhook Tina’s bra, and of course she could do it one handed.

Farah could do anything.

Fucking anything, man.

“I very much want this,” Farah reassured Tina, as she pushed Tina’s bra up, and then she was kissing down Tina’s breast, kissing the top of it, then taking Tina’s nipple into her mouth.

She sucked on Tina’s nipple, and Tina made an undignified noise, her hands on Farah’s shoulders, and she was digging her fingers in, she was wriggling her hips, and she was leaning heavily against the lip of her desk, spreading her legs wider to keep from overbalancing. 

Farah was doing… something with her tongue, and Tina didn’t really know what it was, except that it felt so good, holy fuck, Tina might just cum from that.

Of course Farah would be able to make Tina cum with just some tit play.

Farah was magical like that.

Only not, like, magical-magical, because that shit was too weird. 

But… oh, Farah’s hands were going lower, to Tina’s belt. 

Farah made eye contact, and then cleared her throat.

“Would it be alright if I, um… if I performed cunnilingus on you?”

… yeah, Farah was as nervous as usual.

There was something weirdly… calming about that.

Farah might have been scary good at sex (Farah was scary good at almost everything, let’s be real) but it seemed that she got just as nervous about this stuff as anyone else did.

“I would fuckin’ _love_ for you to perform… whatsit… for you to eat me out,” Tina said, because she was giddy enough to trip over the word “cunnilingus” at the best of times, let alone when Farah was looking at her like… well, like that.

“Okay,” said Farah, and she looked… well, honestly, she looked kinda nervous.

How about that?

“You’re gonna be great,” Tina said, in what she hoped was an inspirational tone of voice.

Wait. 

Was inspirational the right word to use at this moment?

And then Farah was getting on her knees, and she was unbuckling Tina’s pants, she was pulling down Tina’s underwear….

Farah’s breath was warm and almost… ticklish, across Tina’s pussy, and thank god she’d shaved the day before, or this would have been so stubbly. 

And then Farah was using two fingers to hold Tina open, and her face was in Tina’s snatch, and who gave two fucks about anything, because _holy fuck_!

Farah was licking, Farah was doing things with her lips, Farah was doing something with her fingers, Tina honestly didn’t really have a clue about what was going on down there, except for that fact that Farah was making miracles happen. 

Miracles and fireworks and all of that good shit, and Tina just kinda… held on for dear life, her pants down around her knees, her hips bucking forward, and then she was looking down at Farah, and Farah was looking up at her, expression managing to be worried even through a mouthful of pussy, and then she did… something with her tongue, and Tina was going off like a fucking gun.

The orgasm started in the base of her spine, and it moved outward, as Farah’s fingers slid inside of her, and then there was pressure on her g-spot as well, and who knew she even _had_ a g-spot, let alone that Farah would know what to do with it?

Actually, no, Farah knowing what to do with it was a given, because she was Farah. 

But oh, fuck, Tina was… Tina squirted.

Actually squirted, like in those pornos she sometimes watched, and she watched, in amazement, as Farah pulled back, fingers still inside of Tina, and her expression was… proud.

Still nervous, but proud.

“Did I do good?”

“I can’t feel my legs,” Tina said, aware she sounded dazed.

She _felt_ dazed, so it was all good. 

“Is that good?”

“Oh yeah,” said Tina, and she grinned at Farah, attempting to look sexy. “But now I owe you one fucker of an orgasm, huh?”

“I mean, you don’t ever have to think of yourself owing -”

Tina kissed Farah, before Farah could go on a tangent, and she untucked Farah’s shirt, to get better access to Farah’s glorious tits.

They really were glorious - they were just the right size for Tina’s hands, topped with dark brown nipples, and Farah cried out in a rough voice when Tina pinched, then sucked on them.

It was fucking perfect.

Tina’s hand went lower, undid Farah’s belt buckle, and then she was pausing in her sucking on Farah’s nipples to undo Farah’s pants, and then Tina’s hand was down the front of Farah’s pants, in Farah’s panties, and she felt soft, wiry hair against her palm, and wetness.

She pressed her middle finger between Farah’s labia, and Farah clung to her arm, her forehead against Tina’s.

“Oh _god_ ,” Farah mumbled.

“How’s that?”

Tina found Farah’s clit - demure little thing - and rubbed it with her thumb, as her middle finger found Farah’s hole, and then she was sliding inside of Farah, as Farah shuddered against her, clutching at Tina’s shoulders.

Her whole face scrunched up, her eyes tightly closed, her forehead all wrinkled, and Tina leaned forward to kiss the lines she saw there even as she began to thrust with her fingers.

Thank god she had trimmed her nails the day before as well.

Pre-sex grooming didn’t always result in sex, but when it did… god, it was perfect.

Farah was perfect.

Or as close as any human being could be.

But Farah’s hips were rocking, swiveling to meet each of Tina’s thrusts, and Tina was curling her finger, feeling around for a change in texture.

She found it, when Farah’s mouth opened open and she cried out like she was in pain.

Tina took that as a sign to keep doing it, even as she pressed down on Farah’s clit, and then Farah’s muscles were squeezing her fingers, as Farah came, her whole body hunching forward, and Tina kissed Farah, tasting herself on Farah’s lips, and then Farah was slumping forward.

“Do you always cum that quickly?”

Tina was grinning, giddy on sex hormones and Farah and the fact that they were fucking in the office after Sherlock had gone home.

Holy fuck.

“I’m a bit… pent up,” Farah admitted.

“... you think you could cum again?” 

Tina was starting to grin.

Farah grinned back, still shy, but clearly, _finally_ relaxing.

“I mean,” she said, “I’m sure I could try.”

Of course she could.

Farah could try at anything and do it perfectly.

Tina kissed her again, and began to move her fingers again, as Farah curled against her. 

Much better way to spend the night than getting drunk.

If she could convince Farah to stay in town, she might even end up going sober!

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


End file.
